I never really imagined myself as the type to be excited for work, but then again few people do. Well, I suppose you have little else to look forward to when your mornings are shit day after day. It’ll be a good way to keep my mind off this crap.
Y’know, I really wouldn’t mind laying under the stars beside you right now. Truth be told, I think I need that comfort more than anything.
They say that home is where the heart is, but if that’s the case, can this place really be called a home? As I sit here in my room writing this out, I feel uneasy and anxious. It’s been like this for the past several days now, and it’s unlikely that it’ll go away anytime soon if ever. After all, how can we possibly repair something like this? You’d have to be a fool to think that we can go back to how things were before, not that it was much better in the first place.
We were never much of a family, and I couldn’t even believe it could grow any worse until now. The conversations over dinner are so forced it makes me cringe, and I can’t even stand seeing the two of you together anymore. More than ever, it feels like I’m lingering within a prison. I feel like shit, and I can’t even find it in me to do the things I once enjoyed anymore. Even writing has become a hassle nowadays, but I need to vent somehow. If I don’t, I fear I’d go insane. It’s difficult to sleep, and each day is more tiring than the next. How much longer must this go on?
It’s been a long time since I wandered across the empty streets in the dead of night, but after such a long day I felt I needed some time away from home. I certainly didn’t expect to see your name displayed over the screen of my phone along the way as I heard it ring, but it was a nice little surprise. Tonight was the first night we ever really spoke to one another. I wish it could have been on better terms, but I’m thankful you took the time out of your day to get back at me in my time of need. Things have been rough lately to say the least, and being able to get even a part of it off my chest is a godsend.
It was actually the first time in years that I was able to open up to someone like that. I’ve always had a knack for bottling up my emotions, and outside of my writing I never did speak of them much if at all. Our chat together was nice nevertheless. I didn’t expect it to flow so well, haha. I dunno, I’ve always been a rather awkward person so I guess I was just surprised that it went so smoothly, but to be fair we have known one another for a few good years now. I wouldn’t mind doing it again sometime though.
Sleep well, and thank you again for your time.
How long does it take for a good memory to turn sad? I suppose it’s hard to say, but as I look back on certain intervals in my life I can’t help but feel a little sad. Perhaps it has to do with my longing for the past. To relive the days I spent with a band of people I once held more dear than anyone else. There’s so much I wanted to do with them back then, so much I wanted to say, and now the moment has passed. We had our fun, but I can’t help but yearn for more. The days we spent together were so short lived, but that’s what made it so special. Knowing that I could spend even a fleeting moment of my life in your company without a care was sweet and utter bliss.
I’m not sure if I’ve changed very much since those days, but whether that’s a good or bad thing is still left unsaid. One thing’s for sure, the ache has never truly left. It may have dulled, but it’s still there and sometimes I can’t help but wonder if it’ll ever go away. Truth be told, I have my doubts. While a part of me wants to believe that it’ll disappear one day, another knows that’s nothing more than wishful thinking. After all, that’s life, right? Good or bad you take the cards you’re dealt with and you make the best of it. I’m still trying to figure out what to do with my hand though.
Standing by the shore
I hear them beckon me
Out there in the distance
The siren’s tempting song
So I dipped my feet
Into the water’s dark depths
Until I was engulfed
Within its cold embrace
And grew lost in the tide
I’ve been writing a lot over the years from countless stories, unsent letters and even poems too. Most of which have never been read by anyone else, and will no doubt stay that way. I’ve hated more of them than I’d like, but perhaps I’m just a bit too critical when it comes to my own work. You see, I’m not very good at talking with others, especially not when it comes to how I really feel, so it’s easier for me to articulate my thoughts this way. Perhaps I’m just afraid of what others might think or say, so I hide behind a pen and paper instead. It’s almost like a mask in its own way.
Nevertheless, I enjoy writing quite a bit. There is no better way to release these pent up thoughts and desires than to bleed my heart out over paper. To stain its blank surface with red ink and know that it is mine and mine alone. These are my thoughts, feelings, joys and sorrows laid bare for the world to see. It is then and only then do I wear my heart on a sleeve.
It is an escape from the harsh realities of the real world. A place where I can dive into a new adventure and forget about my troubles, even if only for a little while. Some would say it’s merely escapism, and truth be told, I wouldn’t deny those claims, but I feel it’s so much more than that. There is a sense of freedom I can only attain when I am writing. A sense that allows me to build, shape and even destroy the world as my own. At the same time there is also a sense of control, something that we desperately lack in our unpredictable lives.
You see, I love writing. It’s one of the few things left that keeps me sane.
The stars are a beautiful sight
Bathing the sky in a brilliant light
Though they pale in comparison to the moon
Their numbers alone can make me swoon
Yet their beauty is clouded in the city’s glow
Reducing them to a number so low
But if you look closely way up high
You can still see a few in the night sky
Shining up above without fail
In a sea of darkness where no boat can sail
Together these gems light up the night
Illuminating my darkest plight